I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
