I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
