you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
