i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
