went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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