found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
