I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
