a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
