have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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