Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
