I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
