You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
