dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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