I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
