I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
