I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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