In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
