how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
