I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
