I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
