i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
