I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
