So drunk its hurt
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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