She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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