He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
