IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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