He is an equal opportunity slut.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
