I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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