in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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