She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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