If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
