I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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