that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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