So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Randomize
