even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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