True but thats because hes a fetus.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
