yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
