if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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