Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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