I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
