1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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