By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
how drunk are you?
Several
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
