Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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