Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
