Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
