a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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