Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
