You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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