White coat. Heels.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
