I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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