the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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